sooooooooo.... here's the lowdown on the whatever....i'm sure that all of you have been wondering where the fuck is she!?!... i have a great excusefor that.. i really do.. you see i'm still in laptop land.. *his name is nicotene.. thanks to the fuckin wasl... fuckin wasl* anyways.. he still won't log into certian sites.. since jana still uses him... i can't do anything about that.. hence i've moved to livejournal... yeah.. it's okay there..... could be worse... the url is my universal username...

http://Heiri_Sakura.livejournal.com

so come visit me if you miss me, otherwise this is the perfect oppertunity to drop me and just pretend i never existed.. ^^ feel free to do both.... so anyways.. go there i'm barely updating there too, but you get the idea.... sorry that i can't work here.. i'm really gonna miss it.. *already am* but i have a new boy to run with... he's called synn... fuckin awsome and sincle.. far as i know... *glares* think of him as a orange haired reno with fewer problems.. and maybe some other issues... *giggles*

but this might be my very last entry on blogdrive... i've been blogging here for over 2 years... i know.. so long... *shruggs* i've really changed in more ways than one.. and i'd like to attribute both my 'good' & 'bad' quirks to blogdrive... and everything else.. anyways.... here's to it all!!! *toast with lemonade* hehehe ^^ i wish you all the best and the worst, cause without that nothn's good..... and a big thank you for reading.. and i thinkk i'll change the picture.. maybe.... ~^ we'll see.... hehehe

buh-bye
*waves from fancy couch with toys all around; Synn is holding up the battered 'save me' sign*

*anime fingers*

heiri sakura 

homework... so much of it i can't even begin to describe it... and most of it is uber complicated... not some three minute assignment and then a rushed i hope this is right... it's bad very bad.. so why the hell am i blogging... because i can silly! because if i don' i really don' think i'll make it the night... or morning or tomorrow... but i'm gonna work, and work i will... but whatever...

i got steel-toed boots and a new back-pack.. it's a sling ruckshack... so much easier on my back and body, sure i have to stuff things a bit but it's perfect... but i went to the mall with erika, it was fun! we goofed off, bought things and had a right proper fun time... hehehe.... even with Jana around...  anyways.. as usual i am suffering from the normal aches and pains..

i'm gonna get off, throw in a movie.. *it's lookin like digimon! ^^* and bury myself in this pile of homework and get crackin!!!

*anime fingers*

heiri sakura

ps- i just updated from EGGNOG! yes! he's kinda working... sorta.. good enough!

O.O i'm on sean's computer... whenever you do the scroll thingy on the mouse it makes this hit pitched grinding noise.. and it's the COMPUTER making it... freakin' wierd........... *stares* i'm getting off this.. plus it has one of those dumb laptop keyboards so i can't type worth a damn!!!! >.<

just though you might wanna know..

*anime fingers*

heiri sakura

*fancy couch and roomin total chaos; roomis deserted except fornew addition denis*

DAMNIT!!! ><

eggnog... broken-ish.... yeah i got 20 minutes of internet with him but thats pretty pathetic... but now toothbrush is down for the count... he's really gone.. i've been doing some windows re-write... *stramnge poping noises* that would be my aching shoulders and back... damn chair... sooooooo once i tired of trying to fix the computers.. i decided some PS2 was in order... mime is being good about playing the games... *sighs* though the games are nearly impossible... oh and dennis is from one of them.... hehehehe... spooky music in his... and it's the precursor to the flood & maybe resident evil.. either way think like that in referrence to what the hell i have to do in that one.. but i stopped got bored...nearly diedfrom roger going on and on and on about stupid shit that reallly have verra little to do with the killing of the 'bugs' oh and i suck at useing guns and things that you have to aim... give me a sword or stick. even a twig and im good....

the other game sucks.. really sucks... no detail just know i'm fairing about as well as a fish out of water...even that only scratches the surface...

but this week i only went to school 2 days and still managed to contract something... horrid hacking cough, so many aches that lying down is the issue... move the fingers too fast and there is much ERGH! i can'teven focus verra well, that's how much pain i'm in.... so i'vetaken to hiding away with mime to try and focus...but the hacking cough got me out of the wedding.. *ergh.. wedding...T.T* and pinhead is gone so i'm borrowing his comp to work with... oh and re-ripping a hole in the networking systems... to fix toothbrush...

anyways... mall tomorrow with erika.. woot... that is if i can stand without vertigo... and maybe the whole up-chucking feeling thingy.....

i have way to many thingies.. ~^

*anime fingers*

heiri sakura

i realy have nothing to rite about.. sure  i woke up at 5;30 this morning and have been up since then.. sure i just ate a salad for breakfast... yeah i did just eat breakfast.. and no haven' thrown it up yet.. yeah i don' have polish on *it's been what 3 years since my nails were bare for more than 3 minutes* and yeah i took a shower last night rather than this morning.. and yes i am actually able to sit today.. still hurts though.. no freestyle sitting oh and snow still blankets the ground... and i'm reading a zexy/demyx fic that takes place in the summer... yes we all must wonder what's wrong with me...

maybe todays just one of those days in which i'm more loony than my normal loony... yeah

i just realised that when we go out to eat, i somehow end up getting on of the complimentary salads just because it comes with my order... and now i realise that that salad fills me up just fine.. so from now on... only salads when  go out to eat. besides i have yet to get sick from a salad.. that is unless i eat it at 8:00 in the morning...  but whatever...  bot sure what else there is to say.. cept i need to go get rid of this bowl before the salad dressing smell does me in... chrtist i have a sensative nose.. most of the time... ugh..

now that that is taken care of... anyways... i'm gong to get back to reading about zexy & demyx.. cause they're just about to fuck.... ~^

*anime fingers*

heiri sakura

seattle is coated in that wonderful clean, pure coat of powdery snow that is so breath taking.... i sat out on the deck and got snow covered just to watch it happening.. so the tiny changes that are all so signiffigant when glance at, but not thought to be.. i don' really like snow.... but i guess i like the picture it makes.. the way it just covers everything with a layer of blankness... of silent calm... the noises your footsteps make as they pack the snow... letting your kitty in nearly white when he's naturally black, and then watching him shake himself off and newly slipp in a pile of his own melted snow....

yeah i guess it's not so bad...

*contented sigh; lazy smile*

so right now... i'm sittin around reading axel/ roxas fanfiction and naturally feeling horrid for them... sure, the square enix/soft bastards never officaily announced a romantic axel/roxas relationship... but.. i'd like to believe that there was if not is... It seemed in the game, the characters with the most depth, that you attched yourself to where the ones that had no hearts.. that weren't supposed to have... anything.. they were the villians! the people you were supposed to beat the shit out of and spit on.. damn to the hells and never feel bad. but you just can't... they're people.. or shells of people they once were.. perhaps their once was an axel & a roxas.. but they died and were replaced by the memory of themselves... but aren't we all just memories of oursevles... it's in our muscles, our manners, actions, reactions, thought & so much more... we are only memories of what we are before that moment and whether genetics or somethingelse dictates how we act... it's all just what we were before telling us what to be now...

so i guess i am a bit of a sap... i just want their happily ever after to be there.. i want a forever for them... i guess i want to know that they be forever know as that which they are...

not sure if that made much of sense... but i'm seeing that life is just made of moments... little tiny things that to ourselves are highly ordinary, but to others may just be extrodinary... life is just a jumble of moments..... just an alphbet soup of letters and symbols in humdreds of designs &  thousands of languages..

It is estimated that there
are 6,554,526,725
PEOPLE
in 193 countries
+ 6000 languages
ON EARTH

but only 1 HUMAN RACE

share something
BEAUTIFUL

i found this on a little orange card.... and i was really hit by it... well... mainly the graphic design of it, BUT i did see the words... eventually >.>. it was in a picture frame which i bought just to get the little card... hehehe... another intersting one was do one thing that scare you everyday.. or somethin like that... yeah..

so today.. since the snow.. we had late start... 10 am.. it was nice not having to be before light in class and such... plus class was only about 30 minutes... so no one really cared.. but whatever... kinda nice...

though i should be doing the homework that vaguely was assigned... i'm rather finding more axel/roxas and then figuring that out.. i know i already fucked up this quarter... and i've decided it shall just go to hell, because i don' think even i can save this group of grades... ugh... anyways... i'm gonna gett going on that shit.. *yawns* fuck... anyways... happy snow days or somethin..

*anime fingers*

heiri sakura

*insert slef laying all over fancy couch; reno & zack looking slightly worried & disgusted how sick she is; more coughing and other sick noises*

ugh.... very sick.. been sick since wednessday.. *coughs* i just can't stop coughing and my throat hurts more when i do... i would take medicine.. but it tasts like sugared mint... not very pleasent... ergh... anyways.. i didn't go to school today.. i can barely sit up.. and this is after a day in bed and sleeping most of it.. *yet is yawning with tireness* ergh.. i'm watching the neighbor's dogs tomorrow.. i think one of them is named binky... ouch.. i will never understand people and naming their children names that they hate *or should hate* later in life... my name is not so bad.. but the other option was golde *said like gold-a* if any of you have ever met a golde... please tell me.. they assure me it's a real name.. sufice to say i don't believe them...

right now i'm wearing white.. yeah a white wifebeater.. it's okay i guess... kinda blindin but whatever... anyways... i got pizza last night.. twas good verra good.. yes it did give me a killing stomach ache *which may or may not have been a culprit of feeling like shit this morning* but it's all good.. i also got breadsticks.. nummy.. jana and i ate them for brunch.. she stayed home too... i think she was the one to give me something.. cuz earlier she was whining about feelin sick... anyways...

not much else to say.. besides the fact that i'm really tired and all i've done to day is this and check email... hopeless? yeah.

*anime fingers*

heiri sakura

paper is finnished grammar check is not.. eugh.. i have to be down at the bottom of my hill in *looks at clock* 15 minutes.... in which time... damn i'm so screwed...

*sighs* whatever... i have found it within myself to not care enough to worry it to death... anyways.. have a nice day everyone...

*anime fingers*

heiri sakura

soooooo.. once again... i am sitting on my ass.. staring at a computer screen.. trying to write and essay about something so dear to me... then hand it in.. only to have it ripped to shredds and handed back as if it really had no meaning...

*sighs*

so fucking tired of this shit... i know what i want to write... though i'm sure it's not what i'm supposed to write.. also it has requirements that i don't think i can meet.. not only because i'm not sure that anything is the stuff i'm supposed to quote could even walk the same direction as my belief... but my main issue is i'm not sure exactly what i believe on the issue... so how can i write a paper on something i'm not sure of yet.. it's like asking me to take a test i only read about idly.. and that i'm not sure how to explain.... The question on the essay is " Are people inherently good or evil?"

I've been taugh my whole life that everyone is inherently evil, only God can ever be trully good & of course Jesus... but i'm finding that people are naturally born with desires, needs, wants, etc. But they find it in themselves to become kind... maybe it's because it's socially expected or because their genes say so.. or 'God' says so... or is it the natural state of man to want to be good, just because they can & it's so hard to be sometimes... it's simple to not care or is it hard not to care.. does it depend on the person? the situation? Are the varables the damning restriants of the action? You see, i'm only a nice person because i was taugh my whole childhood that being good being kind, being polite is the only way to be.. otherwise.. it's just not so.. but i find that instead of instilling it as the way to be, it's rather the way to get things... by being sweet, by flashing a smile and a well placed honorific *such as ma'am, sir, etc* i can get what i need.... Also i find some people are put off by that... so they it;s the manipulation the slyness, being clever... not giving a fuck and laughing while you get the shit beat out of you on the floor that inclines them to give you what you want... 'cept i think most people are of the former pussy type... anyways...

so what i understand is that people aren' good or bad or whatever the fuck you wanna say, they are each themselves. They are their own persons, each acts how they are raised or in direct oposite of that... they learn to be themselves or maybe not... i don't think you can say that all people are anything but themselves. And interesed in themselves... individually... which i saw through tohru-kun's explaination or rather Natsuki-san's idea... I guess i precieve people as selfish, and that they decide if they are gonna play nice with others or not.... i see it as their choice to chose sides... good or evil... right or wrong.. or just neutral.

but how the hell do i say that with supporting evidence that can ony be found in a manga, and pretty much goes against everything everyone else says, since i also believe that being selfish isn' wrong... that caring baout yourself isn' some grandaer gesture of 'fuck you' but perhaps a gesture of 'just figure it out yerself and call me either when you get it or are seconds away from hysterical sobs that i can't stand'

i've learned to not really care or take into account what other people woul dthink about something because it just makes me tired all the time and the saying goes as "ya can' please everybody" so i've just decided that if you try yer hardest to please you and worry about others afterwards you can be happy.... or in the survival at christian school, i taught myself to care about others and derive my happyness from their's..... beign kindcan have it's own benefits... but i'm not sure if i want to keep doing that... I want to be all that I can be.... hence empress of the world and CEO.. i want to be comfortable... but i also want to be simple... i don't want to have to complicate it because other people would expect otherwise.. hence little jobs like librian or botanist.. but i find myself very uncontent with that... and many other things... i guess i want others expectationxs to effect me less.. i try not to make expectations of other people becasue i know that promises and such can be broken you word is just sound waves... so i try to expect as little as i can for then i can be rarely disappointed by others and their stupidity... etc.

i guess i've been telling myself not to reach for the stars because everyone else doesn't expect me too.... because that would mean i'm better or that my wierdness, my differences didn' affect my performance... it rather  ruins their idea of how things work... *sighs* fucked if i know.. *takes drag*

i guess this year i'm going to learn to grab the stars, and then stick them in my wallet and not give a fuck about others and what they 'really want'... i guess i'm going to learn how to be truly selfish.. according to my dad i already am but i already know he's not got the whole picture of 'it'... see he cleans out jana *mothers* car after the trip *i'll post about that later* and he expects a thank you *or more* but instead she tells him, while he was being an ass on our trip and driving like a shithead & being as asshole at the same time, that he broke something on her car *the park aid.. it just tells you when some thing gets really close* which he did by just reversing really fast *stupidly fast* and crashing into rocks.. which he acted like it was nothing *because it's not his car.. so whatever* and today spent 1 & 1/2 hours complainin about it *and other things of such importance T.T* you get my point... and according to Jana i'm a narcissics. *spelling not my strong suite* but i don't think i'm good enough to be a CEO or Empress of the world.. so this year isn't all about me... i guess it's just another year spent figurein out me & what it is i want... and how the hell i get those stars and shove them in my wallet... and take them to infinate and the depths of forever... this year isn't gonna be me.. and only me..

and i still have so little written about that essay... i think i shalt sleep because i have other things to do.. it's gonna be another early morning.. or late night.. dunno...

*anime fingers*

heiri sakura

well it is finally here..... and i mus tell ya that i finally got things i actually wanted for the the firs time in my life.... creepy actually... black dress pants.. from my grandparents.. they fit and look perfexct & they aren't fitted... i got this cool bracelet, i'm not much of a jewerly person but this... well, i think i'll be wearing it till' it breaks off... just brown leather like twine with little silver beads braided into it.. not girly more masculine.. perfect.. it's from Fireworks.. the site doesn't have it but, ya get the idea. I also got my Harry Potter book.. so i can finally read it.. fuck yeah! and a fuckin huge block of chocolate.. but i can only eat that in small amouts. Then i got money, about $1,000.00.. no i'm not exaduratutioning.. or whatever the fuck the word is.. fuck, i'm not shiting ya, 400 from the old man, 400 from the bitch, 100 from old man's old man, 25 from the friends of the family... and another 100 from the bitch parent's + i have 120 my own to spend..

the goal during this mission *aka vacation* is to purchase at least one pair of pants, long sleeve shirts & dress shirts, find a decent wallet... and other clothin items... basically i'm not lookin for sovenirs.... no firrly shit.. or stupid fuck coming home.. clothes.. also i'd like a zip up blazer... non-leather gloves & other stupid shit.. yeah whatever.. *scratches back of head* whatever... 7 days in that hell hole with those dipshits... ma cousin & uncle are coming too... fuck i'm so screwed it's sick... whatever.... today was something, got a new incense burner.. room smells like lavendar.... yuck... so i swicthed to sandle wood... much better... anyways... i guess i won' be postin till' we get back in the new year... 2007? yeah... anyways.. guess i'll talk to ya next year..

*winks*

heiri sakura